We are at the half-way point of 2017! Wohoo! I’ll be sharing my thoughts on ‘letting go’ for the next month. To get us started, here’s what I have been feeling on the idea that we are not enough. Thanks for following my journey ❤
A N X I E T Y has been crippling recently and has come in waves of tears and disconnection. It has left me feeling exhausted and lonely, despite being surrounded by love. Sometimes, for seemingly no reason, so many conflicting thoughts try to battle their way towards persuading me that I'm not enough. But – I'm choosing to believe and dream. If you aim for the moon, and miss, we'll still land among the stars, right? 💫🌚
That incessant idea of not being good enough threatens to permeate our every thought from morning till night… For many of us, our first waking thought is “I didn’t get enough sleep.” We hit the snooze button, roll out of bed five minutes before we are meant to rush out the door, and already beat ourselves up over not having enough time. This is only 30 minutes into a new day…
Whether true or not, the thought of us being not enough begins to motivate our actions and relationships before we even think to pause, to examine, to challenge.
The hours of our days follow with us worrying that we don’t have enough exercise; we d don’t have enough fulfilling work; we don’t have enough possessions; we don’t have enough holiday; we don’t have enough power; we don’t have enough friends; we don’t have enough weekends… Of course, we never have enough money – ever. We’re not beautiful enough, we’re not talented enough, we’re not special enough, we’re not reliable enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not fit enough or cultured enough or wanted enough or successful enough – ever.
If we take a moment to examine these feelings and passing thoughts, we can say that before we’ve even started the day we feel already inadequate and already behind; we feel already lost in yesterday and already lacking in the present. By the time we go back to bed, our minds are confused with a rainfall of thoughts of what we didn’t get, or didn’t get done, that day. We go to sleep with a barrier of negative feelings that slowly begin to lead us to feel ashamed of not being enough, and lead us to feel disconnected and alone. In the words of Lynne Twist, global activist and author: “What begins as a simple expression of a hurried life, or even the challenged life, grows into the great justification for an unfulfilled life.”
For as long as I can remember, I have been intentional about being grateful about my life, my opportunities, and the people I have around me. Yet, of late, I have felt the tug of feeling unfulfilled and not enough. These negative feelings have left me feeling cloudy in my thoughts and have provoked me to distance myself from people that I love.
What happens when my positive, happy-go-lucky identity is weak? Who am I now that I’m feeling vulnerable? Why would my friends want to listen to how confused and heavy I’m feeling?
P E R F E C T I O N I S M is an unattainable, self-destructive and addictive belief system. We try to avoid and minimise painful feelings of shame, judgement and blame, which only leaves us increasing these feelings as they are realities of being human. Since perfectionism is rooted in perception, how others see us, we end up misusing our energy trying to change something we cannot control. Today, let's acknowledge and embrace our unique imPERFECTIONS – with courage, compassion and connection 🌸💕
Instead of trying to sugarcoat a situation and ignoring my cloudy feelings, I’m learning to accept that it’s okay to feel all the feelings! Haha. Whilst meditating, I’m learning to slow down my breathing and distancing myself from these emotions. Just like a person standing on a sidewalk, I imagine that my thoughts and emotions are all vehicles passing me by. I can choose to become transfixed by a vehicle, an emotion, and chase after it with worry, or I can take a step back and acknowledge that they are all transient and do not demand my attention right now. From the sidewalk, I can enjoy the sunshine instead of running amidst the traffic.
So, I invite us to let go of thinking that we are not enough and to intentionally believe that we are more than enough. Only from this place will we be able to authentically focus on what we are grateful for.
What are you experiencing today?
Life is but a vapour.