I was caught off-guard recently when I reposted an instagram picture: “If you’re the best in the room, you’re in the wrong room.” Whilst the picture captures my desire to constantly expose myself to creative stimulus, ideas and people, an old friend made a curt comment regarding ‘modesty’. Without intending to come across as arrogant, my drive for growth turned suddenly sour. The comment stung – but why? Is my growing confidence and honouring my self-worth becoming an implicit projection of arrogance?
My sister and I have been grappling with the idea of leaping out of our comfort zones and growing our wings on the way down; with the year of 2016 unravelling, we have been purposefully mindful of the invisible boundaries that exist and threaten to keep us at a plateau. Being creatures of habit and comfort, so often positive change requires focus and determination; support and encouragement. Training for a marathon taught me the importance of being consistent, disciplined and mentally strong for a race that has challenges after every turning corner, every mile, every minute. I have no doubt that this year will bring more blessings and lessons – I just want to be running with endurance when either come my way.
Recently, I have been acutely aware that this season of my life is drawing to a close; and, with a new season ahead, this transition period has been one of pruning. I feel as if the branches of my life that are no longer bearing fruit are being cut, perhaps temporarily, in order to continue to thrive as my most productive and fulfilled self. With loss after loss last year, I am increasingly aware of the fragility of time, and I don’t want to waste this year distracted by the mundane or someone else’s desire for my life.
So… I am experiencing the tension between arrogance and confidence. As I aim to reduce and decrease, I pray that my reflections help me to increase my influence and impact on the community I am a part of: whether that’s within my family, my friends, my work or creative vision. I can’t please everyone and I am finally learning that that’s okay.